Fear of being complete


Sitting on the second last seat of the bus I gazed outside the window hoping to see some lights and busy Delhi traffic to distract my mind from the hollow thoughts that were annoying me from past 40 minutes since I  boarded the bus from purani delhi to my hostel.

It was a wonderful day, tramping the streets of old Delhi in search of unheard yet famous food joints which had always pulled in food enthusiasts from not only Delhi and India but from across the world, laughing away on daily life problems with friends, we wandered the streets as a gang of riant kids.

But still after such a exciting day full of happiness, fun, liveliness, a series of lackadaisical thoughts engulfed my mind as the evening proceeded, just like a moon completely erased from the sky on a cloudy night I found no more joy and spirit in me which was overshadowing me whole day. Instead of bright lights and moving traffic, it was just darkness outside the window by my seat; everything seemed so deserted, empty, as if life has lost its meanings, so live to be dead. I felt like choked in the thick black carbonized smoke exhaled from the nostrils of giant vehicles, only” I” existed in that particular moment ,left alone in a beautiful world which had nothing but only graves, graves with beautiful tombstones, all black in colour with the name of the dead in white. “It was a scary feeling; no one wants to be the last person waiting for its death while living in a world of dead.” I felt deceased.

Assuming myself the only retard who encounters such annoying  and fictional experiences which can be the result of reading too much philosophy or the lack of social engagements, I think that happiness triggers the sadness and the feeling of being complete and happy for which we strive all our life by doing anything and everything like earning money, running for fame and luxuries, becoming a monk etc, and when this feeling comes so easily may be just for a day, by doing a simple act, it becomes the reason for the hollowness and fear I faced.

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2 thoughts on “Fear of being complete

  1. I know that feeling. I think it often takes over and encompasses every writers thoughts.Very compelling. Lovely images.

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